WooHoo..

So sexy.....

Made this post on my iPhone ;)

("V")

bitches!

42" Plasma HDTV...... $2000.00

800 watt Dolby Digital/DTS Home Theater System.... $520.00

Xbox 360 with two games..... $640.00


Playing Xbox in HD and Dolby Digital Surround Sound..... Priceless



Life is just more enjoyable being a wolf with a feline slave...


HEHE!!!

* I will most likely receive a few smacks for this* ;) *

*( Dogs Rule and cats Drool )* hehe!!

Yes it has been awhile since I have updated my journal... Here Goes...

Turning the big 3.... 0.... today has been a experience that I will remeber for the rest of my life, THE best birthday..

Went to San Francisco today enjoying various sights and seens that city has tyo offer.... The highlight of my trip was going to Castro and walked through shops along the street. Johnny found a awesome Italian Store along with other very nice and pricy additions to your home.

Happy Happy thoughts.

Ooooh... I did offer to give johnny and blow job in golden gate park... He declined.... *Wuss*

Can not stomach the words over the phone.... They need to be said. I will not say them here... But just put some facts and feelings out..

Even talking in a clam fashion, it gets pushed off to another day, with someone not wanting to deal with this subject, knowing what is going to be said but not wanting to except it..

In the past 7 to 8 months all commitments/promises have been broken, constantly changing his mind about courses of action to be taken in the situation that he is currently in.

I ask myself... Why do I put myself through this? Because I do love him... (sometimes showing love is doing something that is painful emotionally)

It is a must that I stop wasting my energy on this... I have my loving mate Johnny right here and I have not been the mate I should be to him. There is so much in our lives right now, trying to get a house together, Working on advancing our Careers at Apple.

There is nothing that I can do for someone that will not do something for them self.

This is hurting just as bad as when my first mate died in a car accident.. Right now I kinda wish that my attempt to kill myself would have been successful, so I do not have to deal with this pain..

What the hell do I do?

The two weeks have passed, and again with more excuses. This one being a Valid one, as it will be Mother's Day Weekend.. *Sigh* Like anything else will change after that.

Still strongly in love (Which Feels like a knife being slowly pushed into my heart.) with him.

Johnny is fed up and saying that I just need to end this.

:( *Sigh*

Tonight talking to RJ on the phone and hear that another reason he does not want to move out here is because of the pain it is causing a friend.

Told him tonight it might be best just to stay out in Tennessee.

I should have know this would have happened months ago, but because of love I been pushing it out of my mind.

Am I still hopeful? -Not anymore-

4 more days til I find out if there is another love that will be in my life.

No more games, No more Excuses...

Said Two Weeks on 4/23/06

Since then We have talked once, has not tried calling.

Maybe because video games are more important.

Do I have high hopes? Not Anymore.

Having a broken heart sucks.

Feeling: Depressed, betrayed, Stabbed in the back, Used, and untrusted

Hope..? It is just about non-exsistant

Two more days til FC... WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Looking forward to seeing many, and turn into a hug slut. :)

Got a new camera to take to FC... Hopefully I will remember everything I learned about it...

A tiger (kitten) from New York thinking a wolf will submit to him... (HA!!!!) Felines are just as submissive as foxes...

Today had some BS with my car and finding out that the exhaust on it is not Cali, legal... Wolf unleashing all his frustrations for the pasty weeks ended up getting someone fire and around 1000 of repairs done on my car for free...

Last night being a nightmare with a conversation that went totally south turning a great day into something I need not waste energy trying to explain.. No names will be mentioned but they know what they have done and still twists just about everything I say around... Hanging by a tread before I am to the point of saying don't bother talking to me anymore, but still too soft hearted to be the asshole. Love is still there but even that is fading now.... (Enough of that F-Ing BS.)

For those of you going to FC that I know... I will pounce hugs you there.. those of you not going... Well.... I will be sure to post some good pics.

*bounces and humps everything*

The start of a New Year and the start of new goals for the year.

I wish everyone a happy new Year that I did not see or talk too, This wolf was just a wee bit on the drunk side... (Lets list what the wolf had.)

Two shots shy of finishing a whole 5th of Cabo Wabo Tequila
Six Beers
Three Margaritas
A long Island Ice tea
4 other mixed drinks that were rather strong.

Have not had that much to drink since my 21st B-day, and the Amazing thing is that I did not get sick. Even managed to stumble my way home and passed out in my computer chair..... Hangover.... Nope, just had a slight headache that was gone after a couple of aspirin.

And Moving On....

For 2006 I made no rock solid resolutions, but just wanting to improve myself.

Keeping my temper Under control
To Love my mates more (If that is Possible ;) )
Buy a house

I know that is a short list, but right now I can not think of much more that I need to focus on at this time. I am sure that other things will be added to that list as the year goes, For now I just need to enjoy what I have and what I will have soon.

Just when I think that the day can not get any worse...

Get my Suit in the mail today... (So Excited.... CRUSH!!)

IT DOES NOT FUCKING FIT... Paws fit great... Suit and head does not...

Now I really do not feel like going to FC... Fuck it ALL!!!!!

Another Holiday Season done and almost gone, Yet another year of nothing special but still making others smile make it worth it. Must wonder why family always seem to get you gifts that you already have or just have no need for. Oooh Well just glad to get anything at all this year.

In Other News....

I am done offering help to anyone after this afternoons conversation with someone.. (Just Call him Mr. X ) Not able to stick to anything he says and not seeming to care about it.. (Just the way I see it coming across.) Lost in his VR world, not doing anything to change what is going on to make the changes he said needed to be done. even the phone calls are less now, Most of the times I call get voice mail which I was told is not checked. (Pretty sad Huh?) Everything that is said just sounding like an excuse.

(Should not say I since both Johnny and I feel this way.)

My mate is on his way to Vegas to be with family for X-Mas, and glad that he is going, knowing that he will be happy. Now here I am sitting alone and wishing that he was here to hug (Sighs) and just talk to. Hate being alone knowing that this is the time to be with someone you love and be happy...

(RJ... I know exactly how you feel now when you say your lonely)

I do wish everyone a Merry Christmas... The next 5 days are going to suck...

Well.... Where to start...

Today is actually a good trouble free day... (Yes... Truly)

After having a good talk and the exchange of some love song last night, things are getting smoothed out since the hellish weekend. Also pawing off 4 times in a row and making a huge mess last night was a big relief of my stress as well. (Lets just hope that the good streak will continue.)

Just in case I do not get back in here before the 25th... I do wish you all the best... How ever you may celebrate this time of year.

Speaking of which....

Those of you that live on the west coast... Have you noticed that people no longer go around saying Merry Christmas, nor the singing of X-mas Songs in front of stores, all you hear is Happy Holidays. Lot of it having to do with religion and how people throw a fits because there neighbor decorates their lawn with religious figures, or there is a group of people singing Christmas songs in front of a store... (WHAT IS THE BIG FUCKING DEAL???!!!) I find it rather funny that the people bitching and needing their Diaper changed are the same people that also whine about how nobody respects there beliefs. (Call it the wheel of bitching or a episode on Judge Judy.) You know.... all you have to do is picture kids arguing over who the better super hero is? Now... Replace that super hero with Jesus, Buddha, or some other religious figure, BAM.... There you have it adults, arguing like little spoiled brat kids. (God... The imaginary Friend for Adults.) Is it really that hard to turn your head when it is something that you might not agree with or believe in? Just because you might not believe in something does not mean everyone is the same way. (Hmmm... I wonder how long until you see legal disclaimers about Christmas on TV or In store windows.) It is really simple.... If you do not like the belief being shown publicly or on TV in this land of Freedom, then move your ass to a country that will only celebrate what you would believe in. Tolerance is a mater of just walking by the decorations on someones lawn, Or just passing by the people singing and PAYING NO ATTENTION! But if you really think about it... The ones that are bitching, are the ones that make up the less intelligent side of our Society and are the ones saying, (You need to respect our culture and spiritual belief) It works both ways.

This is Manitou the Wolf and this post was inspired by a conversation in a Gas station where english is the Second Language with a argument that started because a lady said Merry Christmas to a Man from India...

America - The Land Of Free and the home of the brave as long as you believe what we tell you too.

Lost in so many thoughts tonight after spending the day depressed because of the recent events that have taken place over the last couple nights. Do not expect much in life and was very happy and looking forward to 01/10/06, now even FC is not looking as good as I was hoping.

Talked to quite a few friends about what happened and to get advise in a way, with my judgment being so clouded in this matter. Four out of the six I talked to said that I am wasting my time. Two others said that I need to be there to support the wolf, but even this afternoon talking to him on the phone I just could not be happy with feelings of betrayal flooding my mind.

Do we still love him? (Yes)
Do we feel that he loves me? (????)
Do others think I should continue this Relationship? (4 out of 6 say stop wasting your time)
Do we want the Relationship continues? (Yes)
Do we see him actually making the move to Cali? (Johny and I both do not)
Will we believe him when giving his word? (Right now no)

These were just some of the questions that Johnny and I were asking one another tonight, wishing that such a conversation did not have to take place at all.

Again... Another night that that goes to hell after having a good day. (WTF!!!)

Just informed tonight that a SO CALLED MATE!!! is not going to make it out to FC even though everything would be paid for him to do so. (BUT NO!!!) He calls it off because Mommy and Daddy does not think a 25 year old is not able to make his own choices in life. But yet he is able to go to two other cons this year, but when it comes time to come to FC and time to spend time with ones he calls MATES he cancels. (Ain't that some FUCKED up shit.) But I bet if it was a con that the ones he SAYS he loves is not attending. he would be there.. (This is my feelings talking here.)

Goes to two cons knowing that two mates want to see him, and still saying... I will make it to FC..
I offer to buy his airline tickets and pay for everything at the con?
He says that he can not make it? (25 year old that is terrified to act like an adult.)
Right now I can not even believe that he loves me?
I FUCKING give up!

Have no idea what to do anymore... Johnny and I are offering to pay everything for him to move out here, and even have a job lined up for him at Apple Computers. Yet he will not cut that cord and live his own life. Yet hear him talk about how much he hates living at home.

Why do days always seem to start off good, then to the closing of the day have everything just go from great to OMFG!!! (????)

Was in a great mood have a good day with seeing sniffles come by to get a hug and chat for a little bit, which was awesome. Spent the day with my mate finishing up X-Mas shopping even running into a couple of furs at the mall.

So tonight I wrapped gifts and had Kitler and Jun come by for a visit for a little bit as I finished wrapping the gifts having a great time. Why could the day just not end right there all good and happy.. (Not that lucky)
My guests left and I don't even know if was because of my drastic mood change tonight..

Drama found its way to spoil the night with words that felt like knives dealing with one that can not bring himself to face anything troubling.

I don't know what to say anymore?
I do not know what to do?
How should I feel?
Willing to do ANYTHING I can to help one, just to be spit on?

He tried calling twice and I did not pickup my phone being WAY TOO pissed off at that time. Was going to call back, but thought it would be best not to. Being very disappointed tight now in the fact that I have never met an adult that denied himself freedom and happiness to live in a controlling enviroment where he is treated like a 16 year old. No matter what I say or what I find myself willing to do to help him out will change anything. I do not fucking care anymore! (Take it how you want.)

This could easily be a day to forget... But I am writing it here so I can be reminded and to let others know that love is one Cruel SOB...

Another day of work done and all is well, and seeing the hustle of Christmas going on around me, kinda nice actually. Just 12 more days til christmas, Yay!!

More importantly FC is right around the corner and get to show off my suit that I WILL have for FC.. WOOOHOOO!!!!! *Happy Wolf bounces* really looking forward to see many furs that I have not seen since last year, (Including a Certain Tiger from NY that believes I will submit to him. *HA!!!* ) and just looking forward to having 5 days of great fun.

Also looking forward to seeing a certain wolf as well, going to buy his tickets this weekend so he can fly out for FC and spend 2+ Weeks out here. In a way feeling a little hurt at the same time when telling him that I was going to get the tickets and just not hearing much excitement. In any case I am still going to get the tickets because I gave my word that I would.

So all and all, there are a lot of mixed feelings right now with what is going on and stuff, but can only do my best to think positive right now... Being to the point that calls do not come in anymore or get returned kind feeling forgotten in a way, like a old favorite toy tossed in closet..

So much stuff going on, and just so little time...

Gearing up for the Christmas season again to make those you love smile when they open your gifts, and to get plenty of gifts yourself. (Bounce Bounce Bounce!!!) Still not that overly excited about christmas but still a nice day to spend with loved ones and family. Maybe the lack of excitement is not having a X-mas tree this year, first year since before I can remember not having one, just do not have the space for it in my small apartment. Tis the season though to be cheerful and merry to go into debt to make someone smile, Worth it???? I think it is.

To the one I love that I can not be with during this holiday season I do love you very much... (Love you more ;) )

To those I know that recently fell into hard times, I wish you the best from the bottom of my heart and will always be here if you need a friend to talk to. Just remember. (Sometimes when bad things happen leaving you in the dark... It can lead to great success after you find your way back into the light to see everyone that cares for you still by your side.)

To a shocking surprise Turkey day went off just about perfect..

Spending the day with the family and just having to deal with some teenage Hormones made for a rather pleasant day. Took NFS Most Wanted and had a contest who could run the longest from the cops... (Oooh yeah) Had some really good food even more fun with the fun and games played as the day went on...

With all the good things I could go into detail on all the good points of the day, but will not... The only thing that did not make the day perfect was having RJTremor there with Johnny and I to share in the feast and the love that went with it.